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My complaint about Mrs. Sparrow

I am not short on words, so please bear with the length of this letter. First and foremost, Mrs. Sparrow’s pouty attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Mrs. Sparrow, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That’s why it’s important for you to know that I see how important Mrs. Sparrow’s disgraceful, tactless hijinks are to its faithfuls and I laugh. I laugh because if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you’re wrong. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, find that some of Mrs. Sparrow’s choices of words in its crusades would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted “brain-damaged” for “ultraphotomicrograph” and “meddlesome” for “phoneticogrammatical.” The truth hurts, doesn’t it, Mrs. Sparrow? I had a conversation recently with some unprincipled prevaricators who were trying to intensify race hatred. That conversation convinced me that Mrs. Sparrow is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, it has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people it desires to lead.

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I would like to wish my blog readers an extremely funny, happy, healthy and abundant new year. May all your dreams come to life in 2008.

Of course I  made New Years resolutions, just like the rest of the world who seems to think that resolutions work. My resolutions for 2008 are:

• I will not lick knifes anymore.
• I will not be broke at the end of the month.
• I will not fill my body up with unhealthy foods.
• I will not be a couch potato.
• I will not forget about my friends and stay in contact on a regular basis.
• I will not stalk the people who love me but don’t know it yet.
• I will not test my body combat skills whenever someone makes me mad.
• I will not scream profanity at that d*ck head who cuts me off in traffic.
• I will not scare people with my death stare.
• I will not make fashion statements that no one else seems to understand.
• I will not take life too serious.